Travel and Romance?

Hi there fellow travel fanatics,

Going out on a limb a little here, I want to share with you some reflections on travel and relationships. A short while ago I received a response to one of my earlier entries from somebody asking how my wife and I manage to be working and travelling together so intensively and still maintain a healthy relationship, and whether it was a good idea for a new couple to travel together. I was first kind of surprised and not sure what to write back, but then I realized I actually had some thoughts about the matter to share with her. Also, she had the courage to approach a stranger for advice and I found that to be pretty amazing, so I decided to tell her about some of my personal experiences and ideas. I never expected her reaction to it to be as positive as it turned out to be so I asked her if she would mind me sharing this reply with all of you. She agreed, so here goes.

I realize this is not what you are used to read on this spot, but I hope you will like it anyway. Or not, but that is a risk I am willing to take. In that case I promise to get back on the road ASAP!

Still, in the end this is my blog and it reflects my thoughts on travel, so why not a little bit about life as well? Let me know what you think; maybe we have found some ground for an entirely new set of entries!

Looking forward to your feedback, as ever…

Dear …..

Thanks for your message and also for your trust in my perspective on things. I must say I am a bit overwhelmed by the idea of giving you advice on how to manage your relationship through something like a trip around the world. I will be happy to share with you some of my personal experiences, but would strongly urge you to rely on your own insights, feelings and capability to make your own decisions before acting upon what I tell you.

Relationships are a very funny thing to begin with. They are nothing more and nothing less than the product of two people wanting to be together. In my opinion many people overestimate the power of a relationship and too many people seem to be dependent on their relationships, whereas a relationship is nothing in itself really; it is merely a name, given to a social state of mind because two or more people decide to interact for a certain period of time (which might be for life, of course). What I try to say is that a relationship exists because you and your partner want it to exist. You do not depend on it; it depends on you. That means the power is in your hands, at least partially; as long as you and your partner are convinced you want to move on together, the relationship will continue to exist.

From personal experience I can tell you that a relationship is something that needs constant care. As soon as the first weeks of butterflies etc are over, you will basically have to work on it on a daily basis. Well not on the relationship, but on how you decide you want to relate to your partner and how you wish him to relate to you. Being two existentially different beings form the start, a relationship implies making concessions, to yourself and to your partner. The way in which you both manage this, how much you want to remain “yourself” and how much you allow your partner to be “himself” combined with how much you both are willing to give in to one another on that front, will define the nature of your relationship as well as the durability of it. I have been in the same relationship for over 14 years and we have gone through all kinds of experiences, good and bad, internal and external, and there have been many situations that could have broken us up, bit in the end, we somehow always managed to come out of them stronger. I guess that has much to do with the both of us being convinced we really want to be and remain together and always being open to discuss openly what it is that is bothering us, to communicate about practically everything in order to make sure we maintain the balance between our personalities that keeps us together.

Traveling together (especially for a longer period of time) can lay some serious strain on a relationship, because it is about intense, continuous being together in all kinds of situations that are not common, may require you to learn new skills, adapt to new surroundings and influences, and demands a high level of flexibility on both partners. In 1990/91 I traveled together with a friend for 4 months through Latin America and we split up halfway because we couldn’t stand each other anymore. Still, we met again at the end of the trip, flew back home together and have been good friends ever since. On the other hand, Karin and I travel together all the time and it is actually the thing that binds us most. It is travel that brought us together and while travelling we feel closest to one another.

Now, knowing this, would it be smart for you to go on a journey around the world together, being your age and having been together as ‘shortly’ as you have been. I am close to being married for 10 years, so I feel somewhat like a grandpa here which is something very difficult to comment on. I would say that if there is anything that would show the durability of a relationship it would be travel. Once you get to the point you are thinking about being together for a longer time, a nice long trip might just be what you need to find out if you are really meant for each other. It will force the two of you to get to know each other very well very soon. I would say it is the perfect way to find out about things that in ‘normal everyday life’ would perhaps take much more time to come to the surface and therefore, if it does not work out, it might very well not have worked out in the long run. If it does work out well, you are probably capable to withstand many situations together, which makes it very well possible you are a strong couple. But, having said this, I must admit that to “travel that road” you need to be willing to put things to the test, willing to take the chance that it might not work out and accept that possible outcome. It means you need to be sure of yourself, not depending on your partner, and willing to try out life without fear. For me there is no other way; I find it liberating and extremely comforting to know that my life is about me and that in order for me to be able to give love to my partner I first need to love myself and vice versa.

I think in order to live life to the fullest you should not shy away from the possibility of new experiences, such as a nice long trip. On the other hand, you should not make this trip out of fear of losing your boyfriend; you should make it only if the idea of it appeals to you; if you would make such a trip on your own or with anyone else, because you feel motivated to do so. If not, then don't go.

As you see it is a bit difficult to tell you what to do because it basically all depends on you. I would not make a trip of this nature just because your boyfriend wants to, especially if you do not feel like it. Still, if you want to travel too, but are afraid it might put too much strain on your relationship, then you may want to think about your goal with it. A long-term relationship thrives on knowing, accepting and respecting each other. Travel can be a fine way of getting to know each other better, but it can also end things pretty drastically. In the end it is about you; are you up for that? Do you prefer to know where you stand in your life and with respect to your (future) partner and take some risks while finding out, or do you feel better taking things easy and see how they glide along? None of these approaches is any better than the other.

Please think this over thoroughly and try to figure out what it is YOU want out of this life, this relationship. Once you have that clear, the decision will be a lot easier to make.

Happy trails

Bart

www.cat-travel.com

Iguacu – Nature’s Monument to the Mystery of Latin America

In a way, no South American Travel Blog would be complete without an Iguacu entry. Like Machu Picchu, the giant falls have become both an integral part of Latin America, as well as an iconic representation of the type of beauty so often found within the continent. I think everyone finds something in Iguacu. However, it all depends on the individual, and whether they experience a life altering realization, a subtle understanding of nature, or even just a quiet peace of mind, people both lose and find themselves in this jungle waterfall wonderland. Over the years, I have traveled to Iguacu a number of times for both business and pleasure and am always amazed. And amid bromeliads, vines, orchids and a kaleidoscope of brightly colored butterflies, the mighty falls never fail to impress me with their reckless beauty.

The name Iguacu derives from Guarani and translates as “Great Water”. It’s a very apt description to say the very least. According to local tradition I am told that the falls were created when a Guarani god fell in love with a beautiful young girl in the area and decided to make her his wife. Listless in this regard however, the young girl took off with her lover in a boat and headed downstream. The god’s wrath was apparently terrible, and in order to avenge himself he broke the river Iguacu and created the falls which sent the young girl and her lover to a watery grave. It seems like a rather elaborate way to extract revenge – I agree – but when looking out over the falls and appreciating their sheer immensity it’s easy to gauge how annoyed the deity must have been. All I can say is that she really must have been unbelievably attractive to evoke such a wonder.

The falls themselves consist of 270 separate cascades that stretch in white veiled patches for over 2.7 kilometers with vivid green jungle sprouting spectacularly between the waterfall segments wherever it can. The Garganta do Diabo or Devil’s Throat is perhaps the most impressive of all the falls and with a U bend shape, it stretches for over 700 meters. The fall marks the division between Brazil and Argentina and is best seen from the Brazilian side, but best experienced from the Argentina side as you’re much closer to the actual falls. A raised platform on the Argentine side leads one out over the river for almost a kilometer right up to the very edge of the Devil’s Throat. The lookout point is so close to the falls that you can almost touch the billowing clouds of mist that rise up from the depths and obscure the view of Brazil across the river. Its rather magical standing right there and feeling both the immensity and power of the river as it falls right by you.

I enjoy Iguacu from both the Brazilian and Argentine sides – both have their merits, and it is generally recommendable to spend time on either side in order to get a better feel for the falls. Both the Brazilian and Argentine side offer a number of different activities, with everything from jungle walks and abseiling, to adventure rafting and helicopter rides available. The Macuco Safari offered on the Brazilian side involves a spectacular hike and drive through the surrounding forest down to the river where you board a large outboard motor speed boat and make your way up river to the falls. The drivers – all fully professional – skillfully maneuver the boat directly under the falling water in what can only be described as a heart stopping yet life changing experience. It changes ones perspective and I loved it. The Helicopter flights are also very worthwhile – the view from a thousand feet above the falls is utterly unbelievable and the pilots are skilled at taking the choppers as close as possible to the falling water.

From a regional point of view, the falls lie between Brazil and Argentina; while another of the area’s famous sites – the great Itaipu Dam – lies between Paraguay and Brazil. The Itaipu Hydroelectric Power Plant is the largest of its kind in the world. It’s well worth seeing for no other reason than the sheer size of the dam is mind boggling. I am very pro hydroelectric power as it’s a great way to generate clean energy – and while the dam itself looks like a bit of a concrete abrasion on what is probably one of the most beautiful parts of Latin America – one needs to take into account the fact that the plant supplies Brazil with close to 25% of its power needs, and Paraguay with almost 97%. That is a lot of clean energy. The dam is rated at one of the Seven Wonders of the Modern World – and with enough concrete to build 210 giant football stadiums, and enough steel to build 380 Eiffel Towers; it is hardly any wonder why.

Three settlements in three different countries converge around Iguacu and give the area a distinctive feel and vibe. While you’re on the Brazilian side you feel very much as though you are in Brazil. The same holds true for the Argentine and Paraguayan sides, and this is strange as one could almost argue that the three settlements are so close to one another that they practically make up the same city. Brazilian Foz de Iguacu is the largest, and within the lively city it is easy to find samba, capirinhas, and colorful attitudes. The Argentine side is home to Puerto de Iguassu – a tranquil, safe, cheap, and much smaller town where you can eat a great Argentine Parilla (Barbeque). The Paraguayan settlement is a trade free zone called Ciudade del Este and is a haven for counterfeit watches and knock-off computers – it’s a bustling town, rougher than the Brazilian and Argentine sides, but a great place to go if you’re looking for a good deal. All three towns are connected by bridges and separated by border control posts giving them a feeling of both unification and detachment from one another. Most tourists choose to stay on either the Argentine or Brazilian side – visiting the other side for a day.

Regardless of what there is to see and do in and around the falls, it is the falls themselves that remain very much the central attraction to the area. I’ve heard it said that Iguacu is at once both mind numbingly large, and jaw dropping beautiful. I guess Iguacu will always remain one of those places where you just can’t seem to fully appreciate its immensity and beauty. There is simply too much to see there. The falls – I feel – are just way too big and way too beautiful to ever really be understood and respected in the way that they deserve to be. For the most part all we can do is visit, gain what we can personally from seeing one of natures most spectacular sites, and then leave knowing that there are still places on earth that remain a mystery.

Keep on Traveling

Bart

www.cat-travel.com